So...now what?

Greetings, infinite void of cyberspace that I am sending these words into. I'm not quite sure where this whole thing is going, or who other than by immediate family might read this, but for one reason or another, like so many others, today, I decided that I would start a blog.

I've considered it before, but I was never really sure what I would write about. I'm a singer, primarily, so that naturally came to mind, but I feel as though I'm still growing and learning in that area of my life, and I couldn't really devote an entire blog to that. Also, I want this to be somewhere that anyone would be able to relate to and enjoy. Food is also a huge passion of mine, but I'm not a chef or critic, and I don't want to be just another Julie Powell (although I do like her).

Finally, yesterday, I'm not ashamed to admit, I had somewhat of a breakdown. Let me explain:

My name is Claire, I am 21 years old, and I live in Toronto. I've lived here my entire life, with the exception of the 4 years I spent away earning my degree. I've always had a passion for music, and I've always known that I wanted to be a singer - a classical singer. My life has also always been very structured, as most fortunate children's lives are; school, extracurricular activities, sleepovers with friends, family time, etc. Even after high school, I knew that I wanted to go into music, and that I wanted a degree in vocal performance, so that's what I did. For four years, I studied, and practiced, and performed, and everything was laid out for me, because I knew what I'd be doing the following year. Until it all ended.

(Now, I should admit, that I technically have not graduated yet, as I'm still doing some coursework over the summer, but I'll be done in the fall, and I consider myself to be in very similar circumstances to most recent graduates anyway.)

So I finished school, moved back in with my parents with a hefty debt under my belt, and now I ask myself: "Now what?" I'm looking for work, I'm doing these courses, I'm still taking voice lessons, and I have a general plan for what I'd like to be doing for the next 5 years, but at the moment it still feels like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff that's crumbling under my feet and nothing but a black hole in front of me.

This is why I started this blog. I had a breakdown yesterday, because I finally had to come to terms with the fact that I didn't know what I was going to be doing in September, let alone next week. I had to realize that for the first time in my life, it's all up to me. My life is in my hands and no one else's. And I have to admit, I've felt like Dustin Hoffman floating around in that swimming pool more than once, and it's not a nice feeling.

I actually consider myself to be an optimist, so I really feel as though I'm generally keeping quite a positive outlook on everything. I try take everything one step at a time, tell myself that I'm doing well, and that all this is going to lead to greater things, and most importantly, still enjoy life as it is now.

For anyone who is going through a transitional period in your life, or anyone who is going through awkward, difficult times, I invite you to come along on my weird and wonderful adventure with me, and maybe we can help each other make the best of a so-so situation.




Photo: bluefieldhighschool.wordpress.com